A treatise on the generational gap

Have you ever wanted something that's bad for you?  Don't answer that, of course you have.  Who hasn't?  Don't answer that either.
The thing is, I think it's okay to occasionally want something you shouldn't, so long as wanting is all you do.  Once you take or even moving beyond mere want into obsession is where people get into trouble.
You know, I think the word 'obsession' has come to be watered down in the past generation or so.  You know what else has been watered down by overuse?  The word 'love'.  It no longer means what it once was.  People say to their casual buds 'love ya' as we once only did to those we truly loved and adored.
What has become of this world, do you think?  Kids are so rarely taught the values we were raised with, that our culture used to be seeped in.  Everything has been redefined to fit within a politically correct mold.  We daren't offend anybody, and yet, in trying to offend no one, you end up offending most.
How this became a rant, I don't know.  Maybe it's that all my synapses are sending short-circuit signals from lack of sleep (the great insomnia monster struck again last night). 
But think about it.  People used to be nicer.  We used to have time for each other.  Nowadays, a typical family of four is all together in the same place only when everyone is sleeping.  Someone's always rushing off to something or another.
It's depressing. 
I work with seniors.  I am familiar with the manners and values they were taught to revere.  I know that advances in technology have virtually wiped out many of those manners.  So have things like feminism, corporations, terrorism...it's a terrifying world we live in.  Makes me wonder why.  We know that the wages of sin is death and that every soul is saved what believes on Jesus and speaks him into their heart.
But what about the rest of the world?  Islam is a growing threat and problem; persecution of Christians is becoming a pandemic.  What have we let our world come to?!
Getting down off my soapbox. 
Sorry for that.  It sort of happened without my full knowledge or consent.

When words aren't enough

It's all the fault of my kindle!  I can't concentrate.  I keep reaching for something to read...but whoops!  That's not going to work, is it?
Good grief, I can't wait until Monday!  I can start reading again.  I'll probably read something like A Little Princess when I get home.  I usually read that around Thanksgiving time, and it's around Thanksgiving time. :)
You know, any other day, and I'd have a million things to say, wouldn't I?  But right now, I have no attention span.  I have no drive.
Oh, dear.  I have the post-NaNo blues...

My NaNo chibi from Yampuff

When you don't want to write, do it anyway

It's weird.  Well, okay, not weird.  But it's not exactly a positive experience.  With all the excitement of NaNo over (for me, at least), and the excitement of finishing my novel wearing off, I'm experiencing a major let-down.
I'm serious; it's taken most of my excitement and motivation with it and sort of dropped them down a hole.  Now I'm just tired and experiencing temporary-permanent writer's crash. (Granted, part of that may be that it's flu season and I've had a semi-permanent headache since the middle of November, but whatever it is, it's annoying and nagging and it's definitely dragging at me.)
I'm busier than ever at work, which is no bad thing; it helps the time to pass quickly.  However, I'm busier than ever at work, which makes me tired.  It's a catch-22.
I'm keeping healthy so far, though.  With my vitamins and fruit and green stuff.  Green stuff can be yummy, just saying.
So, anyway, my kindle is busted.  I had to buy a new one, since my old one wasn't under warranty anymore.  But, on the plus side, I didn't actually buy the first one, so it's not so bad having to buy this one.  I just wish it was the same model as the one I've had.  It's smaller.  And it has less memory. 
In a way, that's a good thing.  I can "clean out" my book list of books that I'll never read again, like I keep putting off. :)

When getting what you want isn't all it's cracked up to be

Have you ever gotten what you wanted, and the thought of it makes you completely exhausted?  Not the thought of how you got it, but the thought of having it.  I feel that way.  Exhausted, but in a strange way, also glad, because it's what I wanted.
But seriously, exhausted.
In the past...today's Tuesday, so...five days.  In the past five days, I've gotten approximately seventeen hours of sleep.  But in a good way, I'm content.
I'm even content that I had to drive in the snow yesterday with a busted windshield wiper.
Funny story, that.  I was on my way to Brookfield for Justin's and my movie of the month (since we ran out of month, we had to choose between Thor: The Dark World and Catching Fire.  I chose Thor.), which is normally about an hour's drive for me.  Well, being that it had snowed and I wasn't sure of the roads...in the dark, I decided to leave early, just in case.
Well, I get out past 5 Corners and realize that while the cars in front of me are kicking up nasty stuff onto my windshield, my wipers were caked with ice and only making the visibility worse.  So I pulled into a parking lot to clean them off.
I grabbed the driver's side wiper to pull it up and the wiper blade popped completely off.  I kid you not, just popped off and went flying.  One of the nursery clerks went to grab a coworker who was good with stuff like that (since I was kind of looking at the blade in helpless bemusement, with absolutely no idea what I was doing).  He summarily informed me it was broken, so we wedged the thing back in and I made my way to the movies, convinced that at any moment, the thing was going to go flying whenever I turned my wipers on.
It didn't, by the way.  I made it to the movies and back from, and even to Walmart for a replacement blade, which I will install in a few minutes.
Pepper is manic.  So far she's attacked the snow shovel, chased a helicopter across the yard, and tried to convince a rather smug sparrow that she is a ferocious, dangerous beast.  The sparrow wasn't buying it.


Poster for truly awesome web-series RWBY
Art found here

Incidentally, about the picture...one of my new favorite shows.  I was watching it last night, and I was struck by how much like a Final Fantasy it is.  Ruby and Nora are my favorite characters, mostly because Ruby's just awesome, and Nora's so...random.  More on this later.

I think the banner says it all

Done



It's a feeling that's difficult to describe.  On the one hand, sheer excitement.  So much excitement, in fact, that I started to cry.  It was a bubbling something in my chest that bade me tell someone or I would explode.
Naturally, I called my mom first.  In tears, but of the good kind.
"Unlooked For" is finished.
I have written a book.

Final count: 51,421 words.

Of course, that's only the first draft.  But it's finished, and I made count, and now I get to start my favorite part of the writing process (and something I'm told most writers actually abhor) the editing.

Reaching the home stretch

I don't know if I've ever felt like this before.  It's kind of a rush, actually.  Also, it's kind of a release of tension.  Not all of it, mind, I still have about 9,000 words left to write before I meet the 50,000 mark.
But I have this thrill that runs through me every time I think about it, because I finally have an ending.  Now all I have to do is connect the ending to what I already have written (just one more chapter, actually, for a total of thirteen, even though one of them is called "epilogue" rather than "chapter thirteen".
I also decided to go simple and obvious for my nom de plume.  I'm going to be myself.  Sort of.  Don't worry, you'll see.
I know I seem to be fixated with my book lately.  That's all I've really written about the last couple of weeks.  But NaNo is almost over.  I owe Sarah a great deal for turning me onto it.  Writing is more than my hobby, more than what I love to do.  It's part of my identity.  So doing NaNo every year is something I need to do- for myself.  Only problem with it is that it can get crazy, trying to churn out a whole novel of 50,000 words in thirty days.
So thanks for putting up with me.  Only one more week to go in this year's NaNo, and then I'll be able to tell you if it was worth it.

38,226 or 11,774?

Minimum goal: 6,000 words
Aim goal: 12,000 words
Ludicrous goal: 20,000 words (which would put me over the top a week ahead of schedule!)

These are my weekend word goals for NaNo.  Actually, the aim goal would, as my word count stands now, put me over the top.  I only have 11,000 and change to go before it's at 50,000.  But my goal isn't to get to 50,000 anymore.  It's to finish the book.  That's what I want more than anything.  To finish this book.
And maybe no one reads it.  And maybe no one likes it if they do read it.  But maybe I wrote it and maybe I finished it, and that means more to me than anything else.
Now, when do I "start" the weekend?  Do I start it now and put everything I write from this moment on into my word count for the weekend goals?  Or do I start it at midnight and make it a Saturday/Sunday kind of thing?
Oh well.  I think I'll forget to remember which words were written when, but it's fun to have goals and make lists, so I'll just be content with that. :)
Off I go.  Taking a break to make some dinner, and then I'll start writing again.  Gotta stay ahead of myself!

There's a scary thought

It's a pretty painful and controversial topic.  One many people would rather not think about.  But it's important to me.  And I feel the need to discourse.  So here goes:
I met a woman this weekend who has been through a terrible time in her life.  She was hospitalized for a debilitating illness, and then sent to a rehabilitation nursing home to recover.
The facility was neither nursing, nor was it a home.  And there was no rehabilitation going on.  In fact, according to this sweet, appreciative, warm-hearted woman, what she went through was nothing short of terrifying. 
She was kept in the dark, unable to open her own curtains to let in light.  Though given a call button for emergencies or bathroom assistance, she was told not to use it and ignored if she did.  Provided with a phone, she was not allowed to call her family- ever, but especially at night.  After being promised twenty-four hour visitation from family and friends, her visitors were summarily booted out of her room after ten-thirty at night.
Now, we've all heard the stories of nursing home abuse.  We've seen the commercials for lawyers promising retribution and remuneration for loved ones who suffered in nursing homes from neglect or abuse.  Some of us may even know or even love someone who went through it.
But still, Medicare sends patients to these places who have had reported problems, documented problems, in the past, many times without the patients' opinions, desires, or input being sought or considered.
And then they have the gall to say that patients have freedom of choice in their own care.
It touches on a nerve, really, to hear people tell me all that's wrong with the health care system without ever mentioning care for seniors.  Aren't they people too?  Aren't they even more people, since they've lived longer than the rest of us?  So where are their choices?

Resources:
Signs of NHA
Elder Abuse
NCEA- Official

Whose life should I be living?

You know I heard somewhere that we don't like some people because we see the worst of ourselves in them.
What I want to know is, what if we love someone, but we hate being around them because they make us feel small and petty and selfish?  Does that have anything to do with seeing something in them that is reflected in ourselves?  Or is it more a matter of seeing in them what we wish was reflected in ourselves?
I started out this day super excited because I had not only caught up to my word count for NaNo, I had surpassed it (in case anyone is interested, I passed the 30,000 word mark about ten minutes ago).  Then I caught a glimpse of another friend's blog, and the whole of my excitement drained from me, leaving me feeling insignificant and stupid for being so excited about something...silly.
How is it that our friends can make us feel so horrible about ourselves just by being enthusiastic about their own lives?
My book has no lasting significance to anyone but me.  I know that.  I know that it's not important in the grand scheme of things, and I've always been okay with that.
Except now I keep wondering if I should be out in the world doing something with more eternal significance: feeding the homeless or teaching Sunday school, maybe.
But then I tell myself that different people find God's will for them in different places.  Because we're not all the same.  Why should I feel guilty because I'm not going overseas on a mission trip?  Why should I feel like less than someone else because I like to stay at home and keep to myself?
You know what?  Yes, I could be a "better" Christian.  I could sell all I own and move to Indonesia and spend all my time and effort converting locals to Christianity or building orphanages.  But I don't think I'd be effective.  I know God has a plan for my life.  And right now, even if that's not my purpose at the moment, if it is someday, God will prepare me for it.
As it is, I'd rather be happy with who and what I am right here and now than feeling guilty about not living out someone else's purpose.
Besides, I'm taking a friend with me to church on Sunday.  I'm praying that he'll keep going with me until God gets ahold of his heart and he starts coming by himself.
*sigh*
I think I'm ready to be excited again. :)

Unlooked For

The cover inspiration for my book:

Katya will get it.
I have found my stride.  And an actual title for my book.  I wrote 1,667 words in half an hour thanks to this genius website idea by a fellow wrimo: ilys
What amuses me is that I've also found a website that generates names for everything.  I was thinking of using it to generate a nom de plume for myself.  I admit, a little while ago, I was doing a Lord Voldemort and rearranging the letters of my own name to try to come up with something.

Quest-y goodness and counting words

Because I'm in a Quest-y mood.  I just saw Sonny's colorings for the upcoming (January 2014, people!) first "official" issue of FinalQuest, and they are AWESOME.  Unfortunately, I've now seen a page of the upcoming issue and it's going to drive me absolutely bats until it comes out.  Plus side, we get to see more of my favorite she-elf, Clearbrook.  And I think I saw Dart in there somewhere (LOVE.  HIM.).

Ugh.

I really am going to drive myself bats.  Well, it's nice to know that this obsession hasn't lost any of its potency for disuse!  I mean, the last new story something that ElfQuest came out with was The Discovery in '07.  I used my lunch hour to go pick it up from Borders that day and almost came back late.  Thank goodness traffic was light that day!

My word count is up again.  Not quite where it needs to be, but I finished editing chapters one through seven and have now begun the all-elusive chapter eight.  It's a little awkward, but I'm writing now for word count.  I can fix the flow of it after I hit that 50,000 mark.  Until then, I'm doing well.  I should be on target by the time I go to bed tonight.  I'm going to finish this novel, even if it takes me beyond November this year.  I can get 50,000 words.  My goal is to actually finish the story.  Every story deserves to be finished.
But since I'm tired, I'm going to sleep now.




When things don't make sense- or do they?

Have you ever been mad at someone for something that happened in a dream?  I know there are people who have a dream about someone being in trouble, and they wake up and they’re still scared something will happen to that person.  But have you ever been mad at someone for something they said or did in a dream- never mind that they have never (and most likely would never)- actually say or do what you’re mad at them for?

I am.  I’m mad at someone for something they did in a dream I had last night.  I had a plethora of dreams throughout the, uh, twenty-one hours I slept, but that one stayed on my mind through all of them after I had it.  And so I woke up mad at this friend, and I still haven’t been able to shake it.  Do you know what that’s like?  It’s a weird thing to experience,

I spent hours at the dealership yesterday getting my car fixed.  Parts of it, anyway.  It made me intensely grateful for my mother.  It’s actually hard to articulate, the way I feel about my mom.  For most of my life (thus far), she was the only parent I had.  She worked hard to support us, but she was always there to be a mom, too.  She made us her priority, no matter what happened.  And now I’m all grown, and she’s still doing her mom thing.  I found out I was going to need to pay for a lot more than I expected, since parts of my car were breaking down just before winter.  So I called my mom and told her what was what, because I was hoping she would let me alter my payment plan on my car so that I could pay for these parts first (which means saving money over the next couple of months).

Instead, Mom wires me enough money for the repairs and just adds it to my loan total, meaning I just keep paying her for longer than originally planned and everything’s hunky dory.  So, my mother is the reason I have a car that’s a-okay.

My mom’s also the reason I’ve been motivated to keep losing weight.  She’s the reason I do half of the good things I do.

And by the way, I’ve never been mad at my mom for something she did in a dream I had. J

Here's another question: have you ever had a thought, sudden and unexpected and seemingly random that turns out to be something from God?

Like inviting an ex to church when he's already given you his opinion of your beliefs.  Of course, I became utterly convinced when he actually said yes.

Genius Guide to Understanding the Introverted

The importance of a good "so there"

I am intensely fond of the "so there" moments found in media.  Whether movies, television or books, I deeply love a good "so there".  They appeal to the vindictive part of my soul, the very human part that screams "eye for an eye" rather than "turn the other cheek".
It's something I'm working on.
However, having just read a wonderful "so there" moment (which I will expound on in a moment), I thought I might compile a list of my favorite "so there" scenes and conversations.

• Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, episode "The Library"

The wonderful "so there" scene in this episode comes near the end.  The townspeople have set fire to the books Dr. Mike donated to the town for a real library, convinced that books were full of wrong and immoral things, giving people bad ideas, un-Christian thoughts.  Dr. Mike and her family are picking through the ruined books, searching for some that can be salvaged, when she comes across a certain book.  Going into the church, she offers to hand over the book to the reverend "because I'm sure we can all agree what to do with it," she says.  She goes on to explain that the book she is holding has a scene in which God accepts a bet from the devil.  The reverend accepts the book with thanks and looks at the title.  His face goes completely still.  One of the parishioners asks, "Well, what is it?"  Dr. Mike turns to the congregation, head held high, and says quite clearly, "The Holy Bible."  Upon which she leaves the church to return to her books.

• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

All right, so most of the Harry Potter series has a great slew of incredibly entertaining "so there" moments.  My personal favorites- both of them- happen in the fifth book.  The first being, of course, when Fred and George make their spectacular exit from the school in the midst of Umbridge's desperate attempts to recreate order after weeks of chaos since Dumbledore's exile.  The scene starts with the twins being confronted and Umbridge sending Filch for an educational decree to resume corporal punishment for rulebreakers.  Fred and George reply that they don't think they'll be sticking around for that.  In their exit, they call upon Peeves the poltergeist (if you've only seen the movies, you've no idea who this essential character actually is) to "give her hell from us" before flying off into the proverbial sunset, one of their brooms trailing a chain still attached to a bit of the wall from Umbridge's office (for more on how their brooms came to be chained in her office in the first place, READ THE BLOODY BOOK!).
The second "so there" moment, and a great favorite of mine, happens towards the end, right before the Department of Mysteries events.  This one is in the movie, too, so if you've seen it, you'll know what I'm talking about.  Umbridge has Hermione and Harry out in the Forbidden Forest at wandpoint, demanding to be shown Dumbledore's "secret weapon" when a herd of centaurs finds them.  Umbridge does some supremely stupid things, like insulting them, and they decide to carry her off.  She screams at Harry to tell them she means no harm, and he looks her in the eye and says calmly, "I'm sorry, Professor.  I must not tell lies."  Makes me laugh every time.

• The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Though it was in the book, the scene was cut from the theatrical release of the movie, then restored to the extended edition.  In it, the remainder of the Fellowship, along with the combined armies of Gondor and Rohan, march on the Black Gate of Mordor in order to draw off Sauron's attention from Frodo.  A truly ugly personage, the Mouth of Sauron, comes to taunt them with Frodo's mithril mail shirt, telling them about how he was tortured and suffered greatly, in order to break their spirits.  Aragorn rides over, looking all solemn, and then in a bloody move, cuts off the Mouth's head and declares that he doesn't believe it.

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season three episode "Faith, Hope, and Trick"

This fun "so there" moment comes complete with an awesome mom!  Just after the opening credits, when Buffy and her mom go to Sunnydale High to meet with Principal Snyder, Snyder is giving Buffy his list of demands when Joyce cuts in with the fact that he has no power to prevent Buffy from attending school.  Buffy stands up and comments how when the school board overturned his decision to expel her it "called into question [his] whole ability to do [his] job".  The best part of this scene is when Joyce stands up and smiles smugly and says, "What my daughter is trying to say is 'na na na-na na!'" and then the pair walks out of Snyder's office.

Literary catharsis is a real thing

Have you ever read a book so profound that you have to set it aside to calm your racing heart?  Have you ever read a book so intense that you find yourself white-knuckling it, leaving dents in pages and cover?  Have you ever had to put a book down for a few minutes when you realize that you're getting dizzy from holding your breath- or hyperventilating?
I'm having all those issues and more with The Kingdom.  On the one hand, I know how it ends, because it's a book about God, written by a Christian author.  Duh, God wins.  But it is the journey of discovery that is so exciting, it literally hurts.  Have you ever enjoyed a book like that?
If not, you're missing out.
In fact, I would recommend the Chiveis trilogy, by Bryan M. Litfin.  It consists of The Sword, The Gift, and The Kingdom, and the whole thing is intense.  Incredibly, profoundly intense.  If you ever wanted a deep demonstration of good vs. evil, read the Bible, then read these three books.  You won't regret it, trust me.

Words: 20,283 and counting

My 2011 NaNo "iconitar" by Yampuff

I haven't updated the word count since I started typing again.  I updated my word count yesterday to reflect what I'd already written.  Now I'm editing the first seven chapters before I go and continue the story.
What's really funny to me about this story that I'm working on for NaNoWriMo this year is that it's supposed to be a ChickLit genre story (with heavy Christian influence), but I still haven't figured out what to name the main character's eventual love interest.  What's even funnier is that she doesn't even meet him until chapter (I think) six or seven, and even then, not for long enough to get an introduction- he just sees her talking crazy to herself while out on a biking trail one afternoon.
And actually, this story is flowing out of me better than the other ones did.  Oh, I haven't given up on them, never fear.  But this one...somehow, it's more personal.  I can't wait to finish it.  The story, not just my 50,000 minimum word count.
Wish me luck!

Terminology of memory

I shot the bullet that belonged to this casing. :)

It's kind of amazing the amount of memory you can get from an object.  I made it to Quest's End, and aside from the story itself, the memories attached to that book are pretty prodigious.  When I was in eighth grade, I took it to school with me once, and it was stolen out of my backpack by a couple of bullies.  They hid it in my science teacher's classroom to make me cry.  I actually bought a new version before my science teacher found it.
No one punished the bullies for that.  Actually, they weren't punished until much later, for something else.
It's weird, the memories I have of middle school hell that are attached to the most seemingly random things.  Those two bullies were eventually punished when I finally snapped and dumped a beaker full of water on one of their heads because they just wouldn't let up.
What's weird?  I never really thought of myself as being bullied, even when I was physically attacked and constantly ridiculed.  Even now, it's hard for me to attach the term "bullied" to myself.  Huh.
I guess I really am learning to come to terms with who I am.

Thoughts with associated feelings



I sometimes find myself doing a lot more thinking than I should.  And other times, I find myself thinking a lot less than is probably safe.  In short, I am prone both to overthinking and avoidance.  An interesting combination, and potentially disastrous when it comes to how I divide those up.
I tend to overthink the good things and completely avoid the unpleasant and stressful.  Not exactly a grown-up way of handling things.
I ran into my ex-boyfriend at Walmart the other day, and we ended up having a long conversation outside after we ran into each other.  We talked about all sorts of things.  This conversation was actually pretty dangerous- for me anyway.  He's not a Christian, you see.  So we don't share the same ideals.  When we broke up, that was a major part of why I felt that we needed to break up.
The conversation itself wasn't all that dangerous, except that it was light and fun and mildly (on my part, at least) flirtatious.
Which is dangerous because in flirtations, emotions can easily get tangled up without that intention.  He's a sweet guy, and there's nothing wrong with him.  I just don't want to get over-involved.
It's sad.  I would normally talk to my sister about this, but she's not available at the moment.  She's the kind of Christian I want to be, off following God's leading in her life.  She's going to touch lives here and overseas.  And I'm just going to keep missing her.
Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying being single.  It's a liberating experience, actually, to know that your happiness is not dependent on someone else, nor is someone else's happiness dependent on you.  And I have been learning about who I am without someone else to fog things up.
For instance, I am not a patient person by nature, but I have learned to be patient.  I learned patience from a former client of mine.  She showed me that a small sacrifice of patience now outweighs a load of guilt for impatience later.
Also, I lack what most people call ambition.  My highest ambition in life is to do what I'm doing now.  Sounds pretty good to me.
Sure, I want to fall in love, I want to get married.  But I don't need to do that now.  And, something it's taken me until now to admit: I am fine by myself.  I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than be with the wrong person again.
I never thought I'd be able to admit that.  And maybe a public forum isn't the wisest place to do so.  Especially since my father might actually read my blogs...
If you're reading this, Dad, I love you.  :)

Who wouldn't love that face?

I started reading The Kingdom by Bryan Litfin, which is the concluding volume of the Chiveis trilogy.  What really gets me about this trilogy- besides its obviously Christian roots- is that nothing happens the way you expect it to.  Half the time, I spend in a fog of worry that the dark powers are actually going to prevail.  Reading The Gift (immediately preceding The Kingdom) was a lesson in patience in and of itself; I had to keep setting the book aside so I could breathe.  I actually almost stopped reading it altogether once.
Today, I may be thankful for the abundance and availability of food (see my list), but I'm also thankful for the God-given, God-led imagination of others.  I may never publish a novel or even write one I let others read.  But I will always look up to authors who wrote what God gave to them to write, and then shared it with the rest of us.

When thoughts provoke

Here's a thought that was provoked; today was the last message in a sermon series on fear.  The topic title was "Fear of Change that Threatens Security".  Now, most anyone who knows me knows that I abhor change.  Not just change that threatens security, but change, period.  I like having things the same.
What really stuck in my attention for the sermon is this: "Trusting God does not remove the ambiguities of life."  When you think about it for a minute, it's almost odd that that should be such a revelation to me.  It's more like a common sense thing.  But it really struck me for some reason.
The message used as its illustration the book of Habbakuk, the whole three chapters of it.  What I enjoy about that book is that it is an actual conversation.  Between God and the prophet.  It deals with the changes happening and those needing to happen in Israel at the time, but I noticed something during the reading of the chosen verses today: Habbakuk is a message to Americans at the current point in history.  I don't think I've ever noticed that before, or  if I did, it's not something I wanted to dwell on too closely.  Because...remember how all those "superior" societies actually fared in Biblical times?  That's not exactly a pleasant direction to be headed in, hey?
But it does make you think.  Here's another point to consider, from Leo Tolstoy to my pastor, to you: "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
The thing is, not all changes have to be immediate or startlingly dramatic.  That's the kind of change I hate.  I hate the ones that come suddenly and change everything.  But I am coming to discover that not all changes are like that.  Sometimes the best changes come slowly and gradually; one day you wake up and realize that your life is different, your character is different, but there's no way to pinpoint exactly when it happened.
Praise God for that.
Today, in case you don't know, is the International Day of Prayer.  Today is a day for B.A.S.I.C. prayers.  It stands for Brothers And Sisters In Chains.  We're supposed to pray for the persecuted Christians the world over. 
You don't often see a lot of overt Christian persecution in America, but it is a fact of life in many countries.  And it is threatening to become more common even here.
Faith and strength to those who love Christ!

Today is family photo day.  It was kind of funny.  I slept all day yesterday and woke up at around midnight.  I've been up since then, periodically getting ready.  I took a shower, then watched a couple episodes of Smallville.  Then I put on my makeup, which took a few tries because I kept extending my eyeliner too far.  And then I changed my mind about my outfit because I realized that I had worn the same sweater for family photos two years ago.  Which meant changing my makeup again, since red and black didn't go with the pink and purple eyeshadow I had chosen.  Watched another episode of Smallville.  Then I did my hair- do you know how long it takes to curl twenty inches of hair?  OMG, I don't think I want to curl my hair again until after I cut it!  Then I decided I wanted to wear a skirt, which necessitated changing my top.  Fortunately, I didn't need to redo my makeup again because I'd decided to go with a neutral color palette.
So I was almost fancy for church, which was kind of fun, particularly when I got to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while- I'm not normally able (or willing) to go to first service.  The past couple months I've been working an 8-10 shift on Sunday mornings, then going to second service.  Add to that the fact that I am decidedly NOT a morning person and I rarely, if ever, go to the first service. 
There are benefits, however.  Getting there early was nice, which meant getting a parking spot close to the front doors.
I miss family time, you know.  It's been one of those gradual changes I mentioned before.  I used to see my parents a couple times a week- or my mom, at least.  Now, I see them both once a week on Sundays, either before or after church, for about 20-30 minutes, depending on whether I go before or after church.  So today (and next week, which is Thanksgiving- don't panic, the rest of the country celebrates Thanksgiving at the end of the month), I'll get to spend the whole day with my family.  It's nice.
And hopefully, I'll see Justin four whole times this month!  We have two movies to hit on our "movie of the month" crusade this month: Thor: the Dark World and Catching Fire.  I am still hoping to also get to Frozen, but I don't know if brother will want to go to that one with me. :)
Adios!  God bless.

Counting my blessings- November

1. I'm thankful for my job.
2. I'm thankful for the freedom to own a Bible.
3. I'm thankful for God and all of the miracles and blessings he's saturated my life with over the past twenty-eight plus years.
4. I'm thankful for my apartment, for the sturdy roof over my head at a reasonable price, and for the security of a locked entrance.
5. I'm thankful for the cross and the message of salvation inherent in the symbol.
6. I'm thankful for the availability of good food.
7. I'm thankful for my computer, without which writing my novel would be so much more difficult and time-consuming.
8. I'm thankful for the imagination- mine, especially, and that of others.
9. I'm thankful for advances in medicine.
10. I'm thankful for days like this, spent with my family
11. I'm thankful for my mother's generous nature and her skills at problem solving (and for calming me down without making me feel like a melodramatic idiot).
12. I'm thankful for the unconditional love of dogs, particularly Pepper.
13. I'm thankful for an earthly father who loves me.
14. I'm thankful for the freedom of worship that is still (nominally) available to me in this country.
15. I'm thankful for Katya, who's been there for me, my own personal cheerleader, since I met her.
16. I'm thankful for my reliable car.
17. I'm thankful for my brother, my friend, who is the only one who truly understands and appreciates what it's like to have our parents.
18. I'm thankful for those who consistently see value in me, even- and especially- when I don't.
19. I'm thankful for the ability to laugh.
20. I'm thankful for forgiveness.
21. I'm thankful for Tiffany, who is a good example to follow, even if I don't always.
22. I'm thankful for a bed to sleep in.
23. I'm thankful that I live in a state where there are four seasons (most of the time).
24. I'm thankful for a good, Bible-based church family.
25. I'm thankful for my brother and the rare, precious occasions I get to spend time with him, just the two of us.
26. I'm thankful for my incredible good health.
27. I'm thankful for beautiful sunny days following snow days.
28. I'm thankful that my physical ability is up to the challenge of my job- even though sometimes I do more than I'm supposed to.
29. I'm thankful that "tomorrow is always new, with no mistakes in it."
30. I'm thankful that God loves me, even with everything that's wrong with me.

When inspiration attacks

Sweetbreeze by Elf-in-mirror 

My journaling has taken a dip since I started blogging.  I haven't missed a day yet, but I am definitely writing less on paper.  I wonder what that means.  Of course, it might not mean anything but that I'm lazy.
Sometimes, lazy just gives me time to think and imagine.  I like to think and imagine.  It means new characters and new inspirations for book ideas- which helps me during November.  When I get stuck in a chapter or a scene, I write a bit of fanfiction.  Sounds kind of sad, really, but if it helps me break out of my rut, then I'm all for it.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm obsessed with words.  I mean, think about it.  My brother barely reads.  I haven't known him to read for fun since the fourth Harry Potter book came out.  My mom reads occasionally, but she's more into computers now.  Even my dad, who enjoys reading, is more into computers now.  So why- how- am I so wonderfully, oddly, impressively obsessed with words and reading and writing.
This blog sort of proves how obsessed I really am.  I think and then I write.
Sometimes I write to make myself think. :)
I had an inspiration on facebook today.  A friend of mine posted a blessing she was thankful for, stating that November was going to be a 30-day account of things she was thankful for.  I decided to do the same thing.  Only I think I'll post a list, to keep track.  I have this thing for lists.  I like to make them for the most random things.  At least this one will mean something. :)

Running words

My first post of November!  How exciting!
Do you ever get a song stuck in your head?  I know most people can relate to this phenomenon.  It's always the most annoying songs that tend to be the most sticky, isn't it?  "The Song that Never Ends" is a particularly obnoxious one, as it "It's a Small World".
But have you ever had a song stuck in your head that you enjoy?  That you wish would stay a little longer?
Sometimes that happens to me with praise music.  At the moment, I have Jeremy Camp's "My God" chorus running through my brain like a victory chant.  It goes:
My God, you are the unchanging love
My God, your heart sends hope from above
The great Creator, beautiful Savior
I've been redeemed
There is life now from your victory
You are my God
How could you not enjoy something like that running through your head?
There's a lot going through my mind at the moment.  Over the past several...well, a lot of thoughts repeat themselves and become memories.  The memories I've been dwelling on lately are all somewhat bittersweet.  Mostly sweet, though.
When you remember someone that you love that you've lost, the memories should be sweet.  The only bitterness is in the loss.  And since I know I'll see her again, the bitterness isn't too bad- or too bitter.
You know, most blogs, I've thought, are supposed to have a point.  I guess my parents' does- but that might be because it's their company blog, and so it sort of has to have a point.  My client's granddaughter's blog has a point, even if it's to just keep her friends and family updated.
My blog doesn't seem to have a cohesive point except maybe to prove how random I am.  I write what I think and, as is no doubt obvious, my thought patterns are decidedly out there.  It's less "stream" of consciousness and more "puddle that's just been jumped in" of consciousness.
I decided a little after midnight to participate in this year's NaNo.  I wasn't sure I wanted to, since I haven't been feeling very novel inspired lately, and all of my ideas have been sort of tapped out.  I didn't even finish the first two years, even when I did manage to reach the minimum word count.
So I decided to use my Camp NaNo project from April, touch it up a bit and try to finish it, since it's a different genre than my past attempts and might actually be finished in 50,000 words.  Even so, I'll have to go back and read what I've written so far.
Here's to writing!