Tears as prayers

As some of you may know, last week, I lost my full time client.  I've taken care of her for a year an a half- first two days a week, then three, and for the past five months, four days a week (literally, I lived with her four days a week.  I spent more time with her than without her).

Her passing wasn't dramatic- there was no earthquake or crash of thunder.  I'm sure the angels celebrated, and I have this vision of her raising her cocktail glass in heaven.  She simply...stopped breathing.

I was trying to read the book of Acts to her, but my tears kept getting in the way, so I just held her hand.  Her loss is felt, definitely, but it didn't break me.  Not with God holding me up this past week.

Not many people realized what happened.  This is one of the costs of being a loner, I get that.  But I'm finally ready to talk about it.  I'll keep her in my heart- because that's where you keep family.

I've spent the past week cleaning and praying and thinking.  Some crying, but not as much of it as I thought.  I can't cry.  She's where she belongs, and someday I'll see her again.  We'll have a drink when I get home. :)

Now that's an image I know she'd like.

But tears or no, losing her has left a huge hole in my life and my heart.  I'll always miss her, and whenever that missing hits me, I'll cry.  That's what you do when you lose someone you love.

God knows.