Don't tell me how to do my job

I'm so tired. 

Tired of worrying.  Tired of working.  Tired of watching people I love die.

I haven't been sleeping well.  My apartment is a mess.  I haven't been to church in more than a month.  I feel too much and yet nothing at the same time.

End of life care is not for the faint of heart.  Trust me, I speak from experience.  It is grueling, heart-breaking, soul-piercing work.

I've had people say to me, "How can you be so tired all the time?  I work nine hour days lifting and hauling, and I'm never as tired as you say you are."  I've had people say to me, "Try being on your feet eight hours straight and then tell me how tired you are!"  I've even had people tell me, "You've got it so easy!  You get to sit around and play with old people all day!"

I can pretty much guarantee that every single one of those people is 100% ignorant of what it is that I, and so many like me, actually do.

So here's a basic idea of things I'm trained to do:

• empty catheter and colostomy bags
• light housekeeping: vacuuming, dusting, sweeping, mopping, scrubbing toilets/commodes, cleaning sinks and showers, laundry, washing dishes
• cooking
• changing bed linens
• transferring non-ambulatory clients from chair to wheelchair to bed to toilet; sometimes, we use a tool called a gait belt, if our clients allow it.  Other times, there's a lot of pulling and lifting involved.
• if a client is bed-bound, we change diapers, give bed baths, lift and roll, sometimes while the client is actively resisting our efforts.
• personal cares, such as brushing teeth and hair, assisting with showers, sponge baths
• pushing wheelchairs if clients want to go for a "walk"

(I'm also CPR certified, and I not only know how to empty a colostomy bag, once upon a time, I learned how to change them, too.)

These are just things I've had actual training to do.  Here are some of the things I do that I was never trained to do:

• spend more than 50% of my week at another person's house, where I sleep on a couch if I sleep at all
• get up multiple times in a night when my client has trouble sleeping or is in pain
• invest my time, energy, and heart into someone who is not related to me by blood
• spend my free time thinking of ways to engage my clients' interest
• make sure the family is kept informed; usually doing this myself, since the office I work for isn't into the daily details so much as the bigger picture of service.

So the next time you want to hang out and I beg off because I'm too tired, don't ask me how I can be so tired.  Just let me take my nap and ask me again later.  Or better yet, come to work with me, and I'll show you how I can be so tired.