It's like an adventure for my soul

My reaction to reading a new book by one of my favorite authors (this all occurs over the course of several hours):

• Haha!  I totally get it!  It's because they share a bloodline!
• Ooh!  Ooh!  I think I know!  She was the first Ellcrys!
• Dude, he's totally in love with you.  Stop being an idiot!
• Aw, man, you didn't see that coming?  Seriously?  He's a freaking politician, what'd you expect?
• Oh, no, don't die!  Why did you kill him?  He was like the coolest character ever!
• Okay, the prince is a turd.
• Nope, it's the boy.  It was all a set-up.  Why am I the only one who sees this?
• Wicked shot.  I'm totally in love with him now.
• Ha!  I was totally right!  She became the first Ellcrys to make up for her bad love decisions.
• Fly, my pretties!
• Uh-oh.
• Whoa, okay.  Did not see that one coming.  Even though I cheered.  A lot.
• I've got a bad feeling about this.
• Heehee, I like the green mist monster of Paranor.  It makes all the bad guys scream and wet their pants.
• Can anyone spell TRAP?!
• No, stupid, don't walk through the mysterious curtain of light!  That's what they want you to do!
• Ooh, a dragon!
• How am I the only one who realizes that this is the same trap Grianne fell into a hundred years ago?
• See, I told you.
• Well, at least you're not dead.  Even if you are so stupid I can't even see why you're still alive.  Idiot.
• Stop being such a whiner-baby and man up!  Or woman up.  Whatever, you know what I mean.
• Your mom is totally possessed.  Or maybe she's evil.  Or maybe she's possessed by evil.  Well, those are your options unless you want to accept that she's really that cold-hearted and bitchy.
• Well, of course they're chasing you.  Did you expect this to be easy?  Amberle did it a thousand years before you and she had a worse time of it, believe you me!
• Stop whining and get over yourself.
• Oh look, they're still following you.  And you're surprised by this?
• Don't do that, they'll find you.
• Didn't I just say-
• Run!  Run, you idiot, don't just stand there!  It's your own damn fault for not listening to me in the first place!
• See, I told you he was in love with you.
• When he says 'everyone's going to die', does he mean, like, everyone everyone?  Because this isn't supposed to be a George Martin book, you know!
• OMG, kill it!  Kill it!
• I'm totally going to marry an Elf!
• It's a trap.
• See?
• Why doesn't anyone listen to me?
• She's creepy.
• Aw, man, come on!  She's just using you!
• Well, that was dumb.  
• Eew!  Okay, massive death count and now heads on pikes?  You are not turning the Four Lands into Westeros!  Not, not, NOT!
• Well, that was unnecessary.
• And that was even more unnecessary.
• Stop killing off all the cool characters!  Especially when you do it with stupid decisions instead of assassins and massive violent epics and magical battles!
• Aw, that was sweet.
• Ugh, and that was not.  Gross!
• Run!  RunrunrunrunrunrunRUN!

And when I finally finished the book...

• Man, am I exhausted!  I need a nap.